but, only ask yourself, how could my happiness be perfect, while
yours was incomplete?”
“If I had never seen Charles, my father, I should have been
quite happy with you.”
He smiled at her unconscious admission that she would have
been unhappy without Charles, having seen him; and replied:
“My child, you did see him, and it is Charles. If it had not been
Charles, it would have been another. Or, if it had been no other, I
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should have been the cause, and then the dark part of my life
would have cast its shadow beyond myself, and would have fallen
on you.”
It was the first time, except at the trial, of her ever hearing him
refer to the period of his suffering. It gave her a strange and new
sensation while his words were in her ears; and she remembered it
long afterwards.
“See!” said the Doctor of Beauvais, raising his hand towards
the moon. “I have looked at her, from my prison-window, when I
could not bear her light. I have looked at her when it has been
such torture to me to think of her shining upon what I had lost,
that I have beaten my head against my prison-walls. I have looked
at her, in a state so dull and lethargic, that I have thought of
nothing but the number of horizontal lines I could draw across her
at the full, and the number of perpendicular lines with which I
could intersect them.” He added in his inward and pondering
manner, as he looked at the moon, “It was twenty either way, I
remember, and the twentieth was difficult to squeeze in.”
The strange thrill with which she heard him go back to that
time, deepened as he dwelt upon it; but, there was nothing to
shock her in the manner of his reference. He only seemed to
contrast his present cheerfulness and felicity with the dire
endurance that was over.
“I have looked at her, speculating thousands of times upon the
unborn child from whom I had been rent. Whether it was alive.
Whether it had been born alive, or the poor mother’s shock had
killed it. Whether it was a son who would some day avenge his
father. (There was a time in my imprisonment, when my desire for
vengeance was unbearable.) Whether it was a son who would
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never know his father’s story; who might even live to weigh the
possibility of his father’s having disappeared of his own will and
act. Whether it was a daughter who would grow to be a woman.”
She drew closer to him, and kissed his cheek and his hand.
“I have pictured my daughter, to myself, as perfectly forgetful
of merather, altogether ignorant of me, and unconscious of me. I
have cast up the years of her age, year after year. I have seen her
married to a man who knew nothing of my fate. I have altogether
perished from the remembrance of the living, and in the next
generation my place was a blank.”
“My father! Even to hear that you had such thoughts of a